I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Actions speak louder than pants.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
