You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Randomize
