So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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