your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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