Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
