If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
