I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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