I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
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How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
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The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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