if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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