Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Randomize
