dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
