you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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