Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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