32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
