Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
