In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I'm always down for nudity.
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