she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
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You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
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I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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