if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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