So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
