You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
it glows. i had to have it.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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