Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize