so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
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Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
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He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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