Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
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you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
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Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize