I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
