Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Hippo gnu deer
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
