you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
soo... how was my night?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
