In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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