I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
