Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
