apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
