At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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