Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
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