There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
