hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
