had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i want to swaddle you in tequila
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
