just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Randomize
