If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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