then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
