I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
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