good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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