I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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