life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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