Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
