from now on my penis is your penis
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
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She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
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There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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