I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
A+ Viking dick
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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