i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
The beer is more important than you right now.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
