I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
