I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
