8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I think i peed on brittanys purse
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
