I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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