whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
