rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
What a dumb baby whore.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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