Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
