i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
