Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
