He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
