dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
