So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
