hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
