im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
We named our party play list daddy issues
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
