just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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